I need to vent...bad...

So for over a year now I have been consumed with weight loss and I am soooo tired of it. I feel like I don't go more than an hour anymore without thinking about my weight or worrying about what I have eaten. I am starting to think I was happier before I started all this. I am starting to worry that I am going to be like this forever and never be happy with my self. Everywhere you look there are beautiful skinny women plastered on magazine covers and TV. What is happening to people? When did it become okay for women to be 5"10 and 100 pounds? And the media is not the only place we see it, even doctors are telling us that we much fit between certain numbers and if you don't then there is something wrong with you, it seems like there is no consideration for body types. Being short does not mean that you have to weigh 100 lbs. It makes me so mad that all the tv shows seem to revolve around weight loss and diets, ever commerical seems to be about some new weight loss drug or workout machine. Yeah, that's a great lesson to teach our children.. Ignore that these diet pills will cause heart problems and maybe death..it's more important that you are skinny. And another thing that bothers me is that if you ask most normal men what they find attractive most will tell you a women with curves, but for some reason all the men on TV and in magazines telling us what we should look like seem to be gay.. (please don't think I am against gay people in any way).
I am so afraid that because I have been so consumed by my weight loss and dieting, that my girls are going to see that and develop the same problems. Women come in so many shapes and sizes and we are all beautiful in our own ways, and being healthy should come before anything else. Inner beauty is so much more important that outer beauty, and that should be the number one thing taught to our young girls, but unfortunately that is not the message being sent to our young girls. Girls are taught from such a young age that looks are the most important thing, forget being smart.. If you are skinny and beautiful then you can find a man to take care of you. In the old days if a women had large child bearing hips they were a catch, I think being skinny is way overrated, and I am sick and tired of my life revolving around my looks. I am going to start waking up every morning and saying to my self that I am beautiful no matter what I weight and be happy with my self, and eventually I will start to believe it. I have so many things to be thankful for, I am healthy, I have two beautiful healthy daughters and a husband that I love more than words. I can only hope that more women start to think better about themselves and start to stand up against stereotypes.

40 pounds lighter and feeling fine...

About 8 months ago I was standing on the toilet in our bathroom painting a wall, when I happened to catch a full length glimpse of myself in the mirror.. Needless to say, I was horrified at what I saw. I was under the false assumption that I looked good and only need to loose a few pounds.. Well, I was wrong, and for the first I decided that something had to be done. The next week I brought home my old treadmill from my moms house that I hadn't been on since high school, and that was the beginning of my journey. They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and boy were they right. This has without a doubt been the hardest thing I have ever done. Loosing weight for me had to be a lifestyle change above anything else, and completely changing every habit I had formed. There were lots of crying and screaming along the way and the empty threats of giving up more times than I can count, but looking back now 15 pounds away from my goal weight I am so proud of myself.
A huge part of this was learning to except things that I can't change. I am always going to have a bug butt, no matter what my weight I have junk in my trunk.. And have been told that this is not necessary a bad thing. I am always going to have stretch marks and saggy belly skin, but that is my reminder that I have two beautiful little girls that I would do anything for. I am always going to have short legs, and be shorter than most of the worlds population.. But as my wonderful husband likes to remind me, I am the perfect size for him and that is all that matters.
In the long run what should matter above everything else is that I am happy and healthy and I am passing good habits on to my girls. I want them to know that it is okay not to look like the women on TV, and be happy with the imperfections we all have. So last but not least I would like to say.... WOO-HOOOOOO!!! I have lost 40 pounds and am feeling fine!!!
PS.. Please excuse the toilet in the background.. That was the only mirror I had to take a picture in..
Before....


After...

Easter 2011

We didn't get a whole lot of pictures this year, Kailyn wouldn't hold still, and all Kylar seemed to care about was the bag of stale pretzels that she found.. It was a fun Easter anyway :)

Just smile and be happy..

So as I am sure you all know, the last month has been a struggle for Joe and I. As if life had not been hectic enough just trying to survive the day to day, we had the misfortune of being in wrong place at the wrong time and being hit head on by a troubled young man. We were very lucky to have walked away uninjured and on our own will, and I will never again take car safety features for granted. About two weeks ago while skimming through the local obituaries I learned that the young man who hit us took his own life shortly after arriving in court for his first DUI, and needless to say I was very shocked and saddened by this. While I am grateful that my family is alive and well, it had troubled me greatly that he decided to take his own life. I didn't know him or his family but I wept for them all the same. I cannot imagine what it must be like to try to pick up the pieces of a life lost to soon. Although he made bad decisions and was obviously struggling with something that he saw no escape from, I am so sorry for his family. He was someones son, brother and best friend and I hope that where ever he is now he is happy. I needed to say this and get it out, I cannot wait for this whole thing to be a distant memory.. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive to our family who took care of us when we were crippled. We love you.

On a brighter note...

Well summer seems to FINALLY be here after what felt like a winter that would never end. It looks like it is going to be a summer full of family and fun. In just a few weeks Kassy and her boys are going to be here, and I cannot wait to see them. I think Kailyn and Elvin are going to have a blast this year.. and Camden and Kylar can sit there and stare at each other like babies their age are so good at :)
On June 18th I am heading to Kansas City for a week to see my favorite cousins ever (you know who you are). And for the first time since having kids I get to make a solo trip. Thanks to my awesome mom, I get an entire week kid free.. Thanks mom!
Then.. In July my sister in law Kenya and I are going to make a trip to Alamogordo NM to enjoy some fun in the sun. Daniel and Dallin seem to be Kailyn's new favorite people in the world, so that should be a very fun trip!
And finally we are going to family reunion!! I don't know about everyone else, but it felt like something was missing when we didn't have one last year. I am really looking forward to camping again.. it has been a while.
I am very glad that I have so many fun things to look forward to in the coming months, and I cannot wait to see everyone!

Crash

Winter 2011

Kailyn got a princess dress up trunk for Christmas, it quickly became her favorite toy.